When You've Lost Your Motivation: Understanding Why You Can't Just ‘Get Going’
Have you ever had one of those periods when even the simplest things feel like an effort?
Getting out of bed. Answering a message. Doing the housework. Going for a walk. Starting something you've been meaning to do.
You might find yourself thinking, 'Why can't I just get myself going?'
Perhaps you remember a time when you had more energy and enthusiasm. You may even know what you should be doing, but somehow you just can't seem to find the motivation to do it.
It can be frustrating — and sometimes, we can be much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on someone else.
But a lack of motivation isn't necessarily a sign of laziness or a lack of willpower.
Sometimes, it can be a sign that something else is going on.
When motivation disappears
Motivation can be affected by many things.
Stress, anxiety, low mood, exhaustion, difficult life circumstances and feeling overwhelmed can all leave us with very little mental or emotional energy.
Sometimes we have simply been doing too much for too long.
When we're constantly dealing with demands, worries or responsibilities, even ordinary tasks can begin to feel enormous.
And when everything feels like an effort, it's understandable that we might start avoiding things.
Unfortunately, avoidance can sometimes leave us feeling even more stuck.
The motivation trap
One of the most frustrating things about motivation is that we often wait for it to arrive before we take action.
We tell ourselves:
I'll go for a walk when I feel more like it.
I'll sort that out when I've got more energy.
I'll start tomorrow.
But sometimes, the feeling we're waiting for doesn't arrive.
This can create a cycle where we do less, feel worse about doing less, and then have even less motivation to do anything.
The answer isn't to suddenly become incredibly productive.
Sometimes, it's about making the next step much smaller.
Start smaller than you think
When motivation is low, the goal doesn't have to be to completely turn your day around.
Perhaps the first step is simply getting dressed.
Making a cup of tea.
Opening the curtains.
Stepping outside for five minutes.
Sending one message.
Putting one thing away.
Doing something that gives you a small sense of achievement.
These things might sound insignificant, but small actions can create a sense of movement.
And sometimes ‘action comes before motivation, rather than motivation coming before action.
You don't have to feel ready to take one small step.
Be careful how you talk to yourself
When we're struggling to do things, it's very easy to become critical.
‘I'm so lazy.’
‘What's wrong with me?’
‘I should be able to cope with this.’
But harsh self-criticism rarely gives us the energy or encouragement we need.
Try asking yourself a different question:
‘What might I need right now?’
Perhaps you need rest.
Perhaps you need connection.
Perhaps you need some structure.
Perhaps something has been weighing on you that you haven't had the opportunity to talk about.
Or perhaps you simply need to stop expecting yourself to do everything at once.
Being compassionate towards yourself doesn't mean giving up. It means recognising where you are starting from.
You don't have to do everything today
When life feels overwhelming, we can become focused on everything that needs to be done.
Instead, try asking:
What is one thing I could do today that might make tomorrow a little easier?
It could be something very small.
The aim isn't perfection. It's movement.
One small step can sometimes make the next step feel a little more possible.
When low motivation lasts
Sometimes a lack of motivation is temporary and passes when life becomes more manageable.
But if you've been feeling persistently low, exhausted, withdrawn or unable to enjoy the things you would normally enjoy, it may be worth talking to someone about how you're feeling.
You don't have to wait until things become unbearable before seeking support.
Counselling can provide a safe space to explore what's happening beneath the surface — without judgement and without pressure to have all the answers.
As a pluralistic counsellor, I believe that counselling should be collaborative and shaped around the individual. There isn't a single approach that works for everyone, and sometimes having the space to talk openly can be the first step towards understanding what you need.
If you're struggling to get going
If motivation has disappeared recently, try to be kind to yourself.
You don't need to transform your life overnight.
You don't even need to know exactly what needs to change.
Sometimes, the first step is simply recognising that things feel difficult and allowing yourself to ask for some support.
And remember: a small step is still a step.
Luan Thomas Counselling
Supporting you through change and growth
Counselling for Emotional Wellbeing
